So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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