i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
