Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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