I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
