question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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