Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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