dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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