somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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