I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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