I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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