He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
