just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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