There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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