My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
