Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
