it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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