I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
