Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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