Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
