i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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