I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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