I'm going to jail i love you
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
