You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
