we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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