She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
