i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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