I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
