Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
