she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
