I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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