he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
