the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it's like heaven, but drunker
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize