life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
