Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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