Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
