my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
