Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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