i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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