I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
