Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
