Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
