im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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