Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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