I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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