it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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