I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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