she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
