There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
