dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
