Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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