my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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