Life is so much better after having sex.
This house was built for laser tag.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
