Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
