Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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