Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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