its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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