a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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