so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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