I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
