im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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