You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
