I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
