she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
