Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize